Under attack, Grouse gone wild!

A lesson I have yet to learn is to expect the unexpected. This morning when I awoke, I had never even heard of a Ruffed Grouse, but now we are well acquainted. Here is the 4-1-1, the information, on how it all went down.
Just before pulling out of the driveway to take Erin to school this morning Erin says, "Hey Mom, there is pretty brown and white bird in our yard. What is it?" I identified it as a pheasant, but I was wrong.
Here is where the adventure began. This little bird began to circle our van. When the cute little thing wasn't in front of the van I started to back out of the driveway. The bird followed us down the driveway as if beckoning us to come back or to take it with us. The girls thought this was hilarious, and so I started saying stuff like, "The poor little birdie has lost it's mommy," and "Look girls. The birdie wants to go to school and learn it's ABC's!" The darn thing kept following us out the driveway and halfway down our little dirt road, much to the delight and laughter of the kids. Erin and Shannon talked about it all the way to school, and how great it is to live in the wilderness. Life is good.
Waiting in the driveway, when we returned from dropping Erin off, is our new friend. Shannon who is petrified of animals, of almost any kind, didn't want to get out of the van. I offered to go inside the house, get the camera, and come back out to take the bird's picture. I had hoped this would ease Shannon's tension and help her realize that it was going to be alright. There was nothing to be afraid of. I also thought it would be funny to blog about, and I like a picture to go with my posts.
I just happened to be on the phone with a friend of mine, Jenn, while this whole scene went down. On my way into the house, the stupid bird started to follow me. I would walk faster and it would walk faster. I told Jenn that I was gonna make a run for it. Animals can sense fear, and when I ran the bird attacked. It flew up and hit the back of my head, and chased me into the house. I started screaming, sorry Jenn, my pulse was racing and I was breathing hard.
Now, I have really done it. I am inside, on the phone, the bird is patrolling the back deck-waiting for me, and my two little kids are in the van bawling and screaming. Now what? Jenn suggested I get a broom, to protect myself, and go back to get the kids. So, I got off the phone, and waited until the bird was under the deck...with broom in hand I ran back to the van only to be chased down and hit in the back of the head again. Unbelievable!
At least I am in the van now with the kids. However, all I had was my camera and a broom. I had left my car keys and cell phone in the house. There is no way Shannon is gonna get out of that van while that bird is stalking us. After several attempts to get out of the van, only to have the bird run towards us and try to get in the van, I decided that we needed a new plan.
Honking the horn was my brilliant plan B. It didn't work. All that did was make the bird mad, and it made several swooping attacks at the top of the van and then perched in the nearest tree waiting for us to make the next move. Can you believe this?
On to plan C, wait for the bird to get bored and move far enough away to convince Sissy that it was safe, and make another run for it. We watched the bird eat our flowers and plants, circle the van, and remind us that we were not in charge. If only I had my keys or phone. We could call Bill to come rescue us, he does work for a hunting company, or we could go shopping to kill some time, but no, we were just sitting there waiting and waiting and waiting some more.
What plan are we on now...D? I had to do something. It was getting hot in the van and we couldn't open the door without our warden paying us a speedy visit. So, plan D went something like this, scream at the bird, hit it with the broom, throw things at it-anything at this point, and try to get it to leave. Finally it left, crossed the road, and disappeared into the woods. That wasn't enough for Shannon, we had to wait and make sure it was really gone and not just tricking us for another ambush!
We did make one last run for the house. I had the baby, and his blanket, on one hip and my broom in my free hand. Shannon went first, and I followed behind. Shannon would run a few feet and then stop to turn around and check for the bird. I would nudge her along, until finally, twenty-five minutes later, from the time we pulled into the driveway, the three of us were back in the house.
To make an even funny story just a little bit more funny, I was wearing a pair of really old sweatpants. Ya know the kind that I should have thrown away years ago, literally. Well, between the running, carrying Sean, pushing Shannon along, and watching for the bird with my broom, my old baggy sweatpants worked themselves down around my knees before we all made it in the house. Good thing we live in the wilderness and no neighbors witnessed the conclusion of our little birdie adventure.
I did get a picture of our enemy #1 through the van window, and Bill identified it as a Ruffed Grouse. He thinks it must have been protecting a nest somewhere nearby. Our picture is the top one and I found the second, more clear, picture on the internet.
Shannon is now on "Grouse Patrol" and it took some convincing to get her to leave the house again to run errands and to play with a friend. This time the Grouse just watched from the road and only chased the van down the road, again, instead of us. I didn't see it when Sean and I came back from running our errands. Hallelujah!
So much for cutting the grass and pulling weeds today. I am not going back out there unless I have to!